Cultivating friendships from a place that honors God can be so rewarding! But it also comes with some challenges—especially the older we get, and as people evolve throughout different seasons of life. There’s a natural rhythm of ebb and flow unique to each relationship, whether you are friends for two years or twenty.
Throw in technology, social media, mental health, societal challenges (among many other factors) and finding genuine friendship in today’s world is difficult to say the least.
Whether you’re blessed with solid friends already or looking to deepen current connections, here are 20 simple ways to help you cultivate and grow meaningful, healthy friendships while drawing each other closer to God.
1. Be present
Regardless if you hang out every week or only see each other once in a while, make an intention to stay in the moment when you’re together—off your phones, not thinking of your to-do list or plans later in the week. As life gets busier, it often becomes more difficult to schedule plans, so make the most of the time you do share by staying present.
2. Send encouragement
This can be Bible verses, inspiring quotes, cute wallpapers, or song lyrics that remind you of them. It’s an easy gesture and simple way to make someone’s day or let them know you value their friendship.
3. Try new things
Join a class together, eat out at a new restaurant, try a new activity you’re scared to do alone. It’s always more fun to try something different with a friend by your side!
4. Sit and talk
True friends won’t always need to go out and spend money to be friends. While there’s nothing wrong with going out or spending money, the best memories are often made over meaningful conversations and simple memories together—that connection is what lasts through the years, not necessarily in the activities you do or post-worthy moments.
5. Share content
This could be anything you find interesting or inspiring—part of a daily devotional, blog post, article link, an actual book page. Odds are, if something encourages you or speaks to your current life season, a friend would likely benefit from it too.
6. Attend church together
If your friendship is long distance, you could also plan a video call to watch a sermon or listen to a podcast, then discuss it after.
7. Volunteer
This is a great way to learn more about what your friend values and any specific causes they are passionate about, as well as yourself. Serving others together also helps deepen your connection, and strengthens your relationship with God.
Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.
1 Peter 4:10
8. Share God moments
Also called “Godwinks”, these are simple ways that God reveals Himself and is alive and present in your life. You have a bad day and the perfect song lyrics come on the radio as soon as you get in the car. You’re doubting your abilities at work and a coworker compliments you on something you thought went unnoticed. You’re struggling with confidence and a stranger randomly says something kind.
Even in the small everyday moments, God can speak to us through little coincidences or themes that emerge in life. Paying attention and making connections helps us grow stronger in faith, while sharing it with those we trust can serve as a beautiful testament of God’s presence in our lives.
And if your friend shares a God moment with you, make sure to receive them well and share in their joy! God speaks to each of us in a unique language, and we all find meaning in different things. Being able to witness this difference is a small yet meaningful part of Godly friendships.
9. Support one another
Listen first, speak second. In a healthy friendship, there will be a natural give and take. If you’re friends for any length of time, of course there will be moments when one is walking through hardship and needs more support than they are able to return, and vise versa. In the same way that each of us needs authentic support in life, we can do our best to be that for others.
[Love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:7
10. Set healthy boundaries
Friends are not therapists, and we shouldn’t always be dumping our life on them or constantly asking for their advice and reassurance. On the other hand, you shouldn’t constantly feel dumped on, overly drained, self conscious, or like your defenses have to be up around them—these all are signs of a potentially toxic relationship. It’s okay to be open and vent (we’ve all had those days!) but balance and communication are important to make sure it’s a two way street.
11. Extend grace
If a friend is having a bad day or maybe acting out of character, try not to take it personally or respond in a way that causes hurt or places blame. It’s one thing to hold people accountable, and another to meet passing moods with judgement.
If you know they’re going through a dark season or struggling with their mental health, do your best to be understanding and supportive. Don’t pressure or force them to share something if they’re not comfortable or low on energy, but still show support by letting them know you’re there for them if they need it.
There are times when we all feel “off” or in a funk. Good friends remind us we don’t always have to have it all together to be loved by God, so we can show our loved ones and fellow humans that same kind of grace.
12. Be vulnerable
Vulnerability has become somewhat of a buzzword, but it is so important to be open and honest, especially the longer you are friends. For those who are naturally more reserved, staying hidden behind walls may feel safer, but it can actually end up hurting yourself because you won’t feel truly seen or known.
Vulnerability can be uncomfortable, especially if you’ve had difficulty trusting others in the past, or are working through personal wounds. But in a healthy and supportive friendship, intentional vulnerability gives others an opportunity to receive you in love and reflect God’s character toward us. In the same way, when others trust us enough to let their guard down, love them as Jesus would.
A friend loves at all times.
Proverbs 17:17
13. Foster deep conversations
This is a great way to learn more about each other, especially if you both love things like questionnaires or reflecting on deep topics. There are tons of lists available online, with questions ranging from what’s your favorite ice cream flavor or musical artist, to sharing childhood memories or your life values. Alternate asking each other questions and both giving a response. Even the best of friends can learn something new—about each other or yourselves!
14. Take quizzes together
If the previous suggestion seems overwhelming, quizzes with more structure are a great place to start! It could be short and simple, or more in depth like the Myer Briggs or Enneagram personality tests. The 5 Love Languages is another popular one. Discussing each other’s results can give you deeper insight into how they process things, or reveal the best ways to show them support.
15. Send snail mail
You could write a letter of encouragement, send a care package, their favorite snack or lotion. Even if you both live in the same area or just saw each other, who doesn’t love receiving unexpected mail? 🙂
I especially love this idea when you know a friend has been going through a difficult time and needs a little extra care. It may cost a bit more than some other ideas, but is a great tangible way to show how much you appreciate their friendship. (Bonus if their love language is receiving gifts!)
16. Share your faith
While it’s great to have hobbies and other things in common, shared faith is a solid foundation. Your beliefs don’t have to line up exactly, but a willingness to be open and receive one another respectfully are signs of a fruitful friendship. If they have a heart for God, you should feel comfortable to talk freely and share in His unending goodness.
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23
17. Wish them well
Not all friendships are super deep… and that’s okay! Regardless what kind of connection you share, almost anyone appreciates a random “thinking of you” message to make their day. Just a simple text saying “Hey hope you have a lovely day” or “You’re in my thoughts & prayers” or “Just wanted to say I love and appreciate your friendship”. Even a relatable meme or inside joke. Just something small and thoughtful to spread some joy ☀️
18. If you feel blessed, tell them
If you have a close friend, especially if you both cherish your faith, that type of connection is something special. Communicating to someone that their friendship is a blessing in your life can go a long way. (If someone gets annoyed or it always seems one-sided, that may be a sign it’s not a long term friendship, or something more may be going on beneath the surface.)
At the end of life, or even a year from now, you likely won’t regret the times you said too much, but people often regret the things we didn’t say. If something happens in life that grows your appreciation or you just feel grateful for no reason, don’t hesitate to let your loved ones know.
19. Speak truth
When a friend is discouraged or going through a challenging season, remind them of their identity in Christ and speak God’s truth over her. This could be in the form of a text, over the phone, in person, a prayer, bible verse—whatever is true and comes from the heart. Especially in today’s world, we cannot practice this enough!
The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.
Proverbs 27:9
20. Surrender it to God
Healthy friendships take work from both individuals in order to cultivate and maintain and nurture that connection. But it’s also important to see them as gifts from God. He gives and takes away, which can be a challenging thing to accept in life. Not every single friend we encounter is intended for the long haul. Some connections are only designed to last for a season and that’s okay. It can be difficult to accept a friend break, and simply drifting apart can be incredibly painful too. That’s one reason why it’s so important to focus on God first—to cherish the friends He has placed in front of you, and pour into ones you’re fortunate enough to keep for a lifetime.
≫ What’s the most helpful thing you have learned in your friendships? Comment below and share this article with your bestie!
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